Tag Archives: venting

Fighting myself

and I have no idea why.  It’s been going on for a while now and I can’t figure it out.  All I do is waste time, avoiding things that I should be doing or things that I want to do.  I spend far too much time at work on the internet.  It’s not like the work is hard or there’s a lot of pressure right now, I just don’t want to do it.  and I have 10 different things I could be doing and I just sit there and stare into space/the web.  I think about htings I could be doind at home.  But it’s not just work. Once I get home, I think of all the things I should have done at work, and again, I just sit in front of the computer, looking for things to do.  I have abundant free time and I could be working on awesome personal projects, but I just don’t want to.  I don’t get it.

I’m definitely running from something in head.  There’s something I can’t face, but I don’t know what it is.  Oddly enough, I hate myself when I waste time, which is why I don’t work on personal projects, since they lead nowhere.  But am I any better off right now?  Just refreshing facebook and wordpress and icanhascheeseburger?

What the hell is wrong with me?


Another Perceived Rejection

Ok, so I know I’m overreacting and I really shouldn’t care about a random person on the internet, but it’s still bothering me, so I need to get this out of my system.  So there are some strict rules in this RP game I’m doing on facebook, and in order to keep playing and not risk being banned the moderator made me fill out an application with my real info and character background.  I wasn’t too thrilled to tell a random person who I was, but and sign over admin privileges to her, but I was feeling impulsive and somewhat social so I did.  I knew if I kept running away from interaction I’ll get nowhere.

Turns out the person running this international game lives in the next town over from me.  I can’t believe it, and I feel like I could actually make a friend who is also way to much into Harry Potter 🙂

Anyway, I email her my info and she responds with some more instructions and I email back ok, and mention the whole “we’re neighbors” thing.  She writes back acknowleging it’s a “small world” and that’s it.  I know she’s probably really busy with the game and hundreds of players, but I still feel like I got kinda brushed aside.  I’m sure it’s all in my head.  She probably has enough friends and a life to keep her busy and not bother with this random sad person on the internet, who joins a game where she doesn’t know anyone else playing.

Plus I get the impression from posts on the game that she’s power hungry and kind of a bitch.  She changes the rules as she goes (first the time line, then she just shut down all applications because she didn’t feel like dealing with them anymore, and finally, she posts as the moderator that characters will be killed off because the game is not fair and she “said so”.  Seriously, what a bitch.)

This is why I’m not social and my best friends are men.  I can’t stand bitchiness…