Tag Archives: vacation

Commitment vs Passion

What’s this?  I have a blog?  Oh, yeah.  Again, I apologize for the lack of updates.  I’m sure some of you have forgotten you’ve subscribed to my inane dribble.  This brings me to one of my character flaws: Lack of commitment.  I’m one of those people who can get very excited about an idea, but only for a short amount of time.  I will become obsessed with a topic/activity and try to learn everything about it.  But once I reach a point of diminishing returns, I just can’t bring myself to work on it anymore.

I have two levels of dedication: The research and the first try.  There are so many things I want to do, and I research and research and make plans and imagine how things will go, but I never follow through with any of them.  For example, while on vacation last week (I’ll come back to that), I saw some people paddleboarding.  Which I thought looked like peaceful fun and was something I could do on my own.  I looked up rentals and lessons, but never got past the research stage before it was time go leave.  I could learn to do it back home, but I fell too quickly back into my old routine and fearfulness.

The first try, as I call it, is I actually follow through on a plan and  accomplish something.  I did this with a kinect sensor that I bought last year.  I researched it, bought it and even made a couple cool programs with it.  But now that I’ve learned all the fun things and done the basic stuff, it just sits there, staring at me, covered in dust.  I don’t have the drive I did when I first got it.  Where I would stay up until 2am programming, eager to accomplish something.

I fear my lack of commitment is holding me back in ways.  Maybe I’m afraid I’ll miss out on something I can be even more passionate about.  I may have just had my 2 year anniversary blogging, but I’ve only written 66 posts.  That’s barely once a month.

This brings me to Karen Cheng. She recently learned to dance in a year.  Her passion+commitment to accomplishing something really hit me today.  Her success made me want to be passionate about something. It’s not success like selling a startup or being promoted.  It’s accomplishing something you set for yourself.  You can make yourself happy by doing what YOU want.  I’ve heard that line before but didn’t get it until I read Karen’s blog.  I suggested checking out all her blog posts, or at least her story on how she learned to dance: http://www.karenx.com/blog/i-learned-to-dance-in-a-year/

Karen is partly why I writing this post. It’s not only that she did something for herself, but she was able to share it and inspire others (like myself). I think the reason I’m really posting now is to try to connect to people again.  Like I said earlier, I went on vacation for a week, to my family’s house.  I was excited at first, but it really ended up being stressful while I was there.  Like always, I’ll just remember the good parts so I’ll be excited again next year.  However, vacations do always stress me out.  I hate traveling, I’m stuck with my mother for the duration in a tiny house, my routine is completely thrown off and I am rarely alone to reset my anxiety.  The upset routine is really what bothers me.  I know vacations are supposed to be a break from the routine, but I just felt isolated and lost.  I wanted to go home after 2 days but I had no way of doing that without offending alot of people.  Plus my body is so sore from the 40 year old mattress and constant lookout for bugs crawling on me.  I hate bugs.

Back to the point: I want to find a more permanent passion.  With focus I think I can get my anxieties and life in order.  I need a goal that doesn’t depend on others.

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Why I can’t Take a Vacation

Seriously, I take my first week off work in a year and I come back to pandemonium. To be fair, I probably picked the worst time to a take a week off, but HR kept sending me emails saying I won’t be able to accrue any more vacation unless I take some. so I did. and now I’ve been working 12 hour days, working from home and in a general state of confusion because of it. grr. It’s not like I went anywhere either. I just stayed home (and actually did some work, in an attempt to prevent said pandemonium. fail). Someday I hope to take a stress free vacation, and maybe go somewhere fun.

I guess it’s nice to be needed, but this is ridiculous.