Tag Archives: role playing

Another Perceived Rejection

Ok, so I know I’m overreacting and I really shouldn’t care about a random person on the internet, but it’s still bothering me, so I need to get this out of my system.  So there are some strict rules in this RP game I’m doing on facebook, and in order to keep playing and not risk being banned the moderator made me fill out an application with my real info and character background.  I wasn’t too thrilled to tell a random person who I was, but and sign over admin privileges to her, but I was feeling impulsive and somewhat social so I did.  I knew if I kept running away from interaction I’ll get nowhere.

Turns out the person running this international game lives in the next town over from me.  I can’t believe it, and I feel like I could actually make a friend who is also way to much into Harry Potter 🙂

Anyway, I email her my info and she responds with some more instructions and I email back ok, and mention the whole “we’re neighbors” thing.  She writes back acknowleging it’s a “small world” and that’s it.  I know she’s probably really busy with the game and hundreds of players, but I still feel like I got kinda brushed aside.  I’m sure it’s all in my head.  She probably has enough friends and a life to keep her busy and not bother with this random sad person on the internet, who joins a game where she doesn’t know anyone else playing.

Plus I get the impression from posts on the game that she’s power hungry and kind of a bitch.  She changes the rules as she goes (first the time line, then she just shut down all applications because she didn’t feel like dealing with them anymore, and finally, she posts as the moderator that characters will be killed off because the game is not fair and she “said so”.  Seriously, what a bitch.)

This is why I’m not social and my best friends are men.  I can’t stand bitchiness…

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Writing and Running

Wow, I can’t believe its been so long since I posted.  I really didn’t mean for that.  I mostly been distract since Harry Potter is technically over.  I’ve been indulging myself with as much fandom as possible (and yes I did wake up at 4 in the morning to register for pottermore 🙂 ).  I’ve also attempted participating in an online roleplaying version of HP.  I have to say I am the most boring roleplayer of all time.  I want to partially blame that on my writing skills.  I’m just not a natural writer.  It takes me 20 minutes to send a simple reply email to most people.  No that I’m “playing a character” online, I thought I could give up my perfectionism, but I’m still just as socially awkward in character.  I’m afraid to post something stupid, or something that will cause a negative reaction.  It took me two days to complete a scene, and nothing even came out of it.  It pretty sad that I’m afraid to have an effect in an online world.  Part of the social awkwardness is I don’t know anyone else participating.  And I think most of them aremiddle/high school ages.  Yeah, I feel out of place.  But If I even find and RP game with people my age, I’m sure they’ll mock me since I’ve never done an RP before.

I think I’ll get back to updating regularly soon, since the RP thing just isn’t for me.  As far as life goes, I’m doing ok.  The vitamins seems to keep me somewhat stable and not as lethargic as usual.  I’ve had enough energy to actual start running.  Outside.  In Public.  I can’t believe it.  I’m not really sure why I’m able to overcome my paranoia now, after so many years of being afraid to exercise in public.  I’ve only had two potential issues with people while running.  When I pass someone I tend to look down/ignore them.  Partially because I’m out of breath.  And I think I can get away with it since I have my headphones on.  I passed a group of HS girls a couple times on one run (I was doing loops)  and one pointed at me the second time and said something to the others.  They can go fuck themselves. I know I’m an awkward runner and I’m not that fast, but at least I’m trying.

The second incident was yesterday.  I passed two late teens/early twenties, not exactly high class boys getting into their car.  they decided to turn around and follow me for a bit.  I don’t really understand why, since I’m still overweight and not all that attractive when my face is red and sweaty.  That made me uncomfortable.

Regardless, I’ll still keep running for as long it’s light outside.  I found my 2.5 mile route (idiots permitting) and hopefully now I can work on getting a decent time, and in decent shape 🙂  I’m finding that running is just as cathartic as writing.  It lets me escape my daily stress and (almost) no one can bother me.