I have no idea what my value is to others, how they see me or feel about me. I think we’re close but then something happens that proves we’re not. And I get sent down my spiral of worthlessness and isolation.
My friend, who I see as brother, just got engaged. I had no idea he seeing someone that seriously. Noe once did he mention her. I don’t even know her name. I clearly overvalued our friendship. He is the one person I can be myself around, and know it’s absolutely platonic. We’re different enough, but have similar enough interests that it works. I would go for weeks talking to him on a daily basis, and even sharing his cubicle for a while and this is what I get.
I’m not upset he’s getting married (although I’m sure once of the reasons is that all his friends are, he’s mentioned that). I just had no clue he would do it so soon and with someone I don’t think he knew very long.
Of course I’m jealous of him, if she makes him happy, since I highly doubt I’ll find anyone I can make happy (and vice versa). I need to let these feelings go. His life doesn’t affect mine, and I really have no right to be hurt, but I still am. I have to find a way to be happy on my own and stop letting others’ successes bother me. Every time I see someone make progress in their life, it just reminds me how much I haven’t accomplished.