Tag Archives: exercise

Weight will always be an issue

I’ve somehow managed to gain 8 pounds in a month and 3 of those last week alone.  And I have no idea why.  I’ve been exercising almost every day and I expected some of the weight gain to be from muscle build up.  At least, that’s what the guy in the exercise video told me.  I haven’t been eating anything extreme (no binging for once).  I thought I was doing really well since the start of the year, but I can’t seem to lose anything.  I’m almost at my highest weight and I feel awful.  Nothing fits, I’m embarrassed to be seen in public and I know the Boy has noticed.  No wonder he doesn’t want to hang out anymore.  I’ve switched back to 40 minute walking/jogging so maybe that will help.  I achieved my lowest adult weight when I walked/jogged for 45 mins/2.5 miles every day.  I got sick of it, but worked.  Hopefully it work again.  I’m so sick of being fat.  I’ve been trying to lose for years, but it doesn’t go anywhere.  I’ve also started logging my food.  They say just writing what you eat down helps you lose weight, but really I just don’t eat when I want to because I’m too lazy to log in and write it down.  The “calories over” number also depresses me.  There’s no way I can function on 1200 calories a day.

I don’t expect to ever be “thin” but not having back fat bounce around when I walk would be great.

Current stats: 5’7″, 168 lbs for anyone who cares.


Writing and Running

Wow, I can’t believe its been so long since I posted.  I really didn’t mean for that.  I mostly been distract since Harry Potter is technically over.  I’ve been indulging myself with as much fandom as possible (and yes I did wake up at 4 in the morning to register for pottermore 🙂 ).  I’ve also attempted participating in an online roleplaying version of HP.  I have to say I am the most boring roleplayer of all time.  I want to partially blame that on my writing skills.  I’m just not a natural writer.  It takes me 20 minutes to send a simple reply email to most people.  No that I’m “playing a character” online, I thought I could give up my perfectionism, but I’m still just as socially awkward in character.  I’m afraid to post something stupid, or something that will cause a negative reaction.  It took me two days to complete a scene, and nothing even came out of it.  It pretty sad that I’m afraid to have an effect in an online world.  Part of the social awkwardness is I don’t know anyone else participating.  And I think most of them aremiddle/high school ages.  Yeah, I feel out of place.  But If I even find and RP game with people my age, I’m sure they’ll mock me since I’ve never done an RP before.

I think I’ll get back to updating regularly soon, since the RP thing just isn’t for me.  As far as life goes, I’m doing ok.  The vitamins seems to keep me somewhat stable and not as lethargic as usual.  I’ve had enough energy to actual start running.  Outside.  In Public.  I can’t believe it.  I’m not really sure why I’m able to overcome my paranoia now, after so many years of being afraid to exercise in public.  I’ve only had two potential issues with people while running.  When I pass someone I tend to look down/ignore them.  Partially because I’m out of breath.  And I think I can get away with it since I have my headphones on.  I passed a group of HS girls a couple times on one run (I was doing loops)  and one pointed at me the second time and said something to the others.  They can go fuck themselves. I know I’m an awkward runner and I’m not that fast, but at least I’m trying.

The second incident was yesterday.  I passed two late teens/early twenties, not exactly high class boys getting into their car.  they decided to turn around and follow me for a bit.  I don’t really understand why, since I’m still overweight and not all that attractive when my face is red and sweaty.  That made me uncomfortable.

Regardless, I’ll still keep running for as long it’s light outside.  I found my 2.5 mile route (idiots permitting) and hopefully now I can work on getting a decent time, and in decent shape 🙂  I’m finding that running is just as cathartic as writing.  It lets me escape my daily stress and (almost) no one can bother me.