I can’t judge relationships


I have no idea what my value is to others, how they see me or feel about me.  I think we’re close but then something happens that proves we’re not.  And I get sent down my spiral of worthlessness and isolation.

My friend, who I see as  brother, just got engaged.  I had no idea he seeing someone that seriously.  Noe once did he mention her.  I don’t even know her name.  I clearly overvalued our friendship.  He is the one person I can be myself around, and know it’s absolutely platonic.  We’re different enough, but have similar enough interests that it works.  I would go for weeks talking to him on a daily basis, and even sharing his cubicle for a while and this is what I get.

I’m not upset he’s getting married (although I’m sure once of the reasons is that all his friends are, he’s mentioned that). I just had no clue he would do it so soon and with someone I don’t think he knew very long.

Of course I’m jealous of him, if she makes him happy, since I highly doubt I’ll find anyone I can make happy (and vice versa).  I need to let these feelings go.  His life doesn’t affect mine, and I really have no right to be hurt, but I still am.  I have to find a way to be happy on my own and stop letting others’ successes bother me.  Every time I see someone make progress in their life, it just reminds me how much I haven’t accomplished.

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