being crushed


I can’t take any more stress.  I feel like I’m being crushed by a pile of rocks.  I just want to lay on the floor in a ball and make it disappear.  In fact I was on the floor and crying.  I couldn’t sleep until 5am this morning and now I have to be a functioning human being.  It’s just too much.  I know I don’t handle stress well, but I don’t know what to do.  I either don’t have enough skills to do what needs to be done or I’m waiting for other people to do their job.  I’m stuck and nothing is getting resolved.  I came so close to getting the razor blade out.  For that temporary relief.  And I had way too strong of an urge to just end it all.  I somehow managed to go food shopping and I’m slightly better.  Actually accomplishing something helped.   I was in a daze the entire time, but I succeeded at something.  The urges are just passing now, whenever I start worrying about life again.  I have to just ignore it.  Once I start thinking about one problem, every other one shows up in my mind as well.  I can only block it out.  I can’t fix it.

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