I managed to get some uninterrupted quiet alone time. It had to get up at 3am and sit in the backyard, but it was wonderful. I was able to watch the Perseid meteor shower last night. For some reason, looking up at the silent sky, the static stars and bright meteors always calms my anxiety. It may be that it reminds how small I am and that I’m part of a much bigger universe. One without judgement or societal pressure. That things exist for near eternities and I only get s mall glimpse of it. I’m usually getting lost in a scifi/fantasy world to escape reality, but when I get to look up, the calming effect is much more profound. It’s real, and nothing can take that away. There is something in this world I can connect to and feel at home. I don’t have to run away into stories.
My only wish is that I could see more. I live in the suburbs and the light pollution is horrible. I’ve tried to go to local fields, but it’s still too bright, and I rarely feel safe. I usually get stopped by the cops at some point, since it’s strange for a person to be out in the middle of the night and not want to cause trouble. I’d go to a park, but then I have to worry about the wildlife, or worse, the people that do want to cause trouble. My real goal is to go out west, to the desert. I’ve been once before and the view was amazing. This is the only time I feel like camping (although a nice secluded cabin wouldn’t be turned down 😉 )
I’m glad I had last night. I’m currently juggling interactions with 5 people today and it’s stressing me out. Two is bad enough. I’m trying to keep track who I’ve messages, who I forgot, and try to balance between responding right away and not forgetting about it. The problem with online conversations is I never know when they’re done.