I am not adult enough for this

I just had to explain to a married man that I would not have an affair with him. WTF?  No where was I prepared for this type of conversation.  My body is still in shock and upset enough that I still want to throw up.  I understand affairs happen and people cheat for a variety of reasons, but not with and I did not expect someone to adamantly ask for it.

Background: He’s been working on my team for the past year.  He’s one of 3 guys on a 10 person team, which is rare for this industry.  I had the impression that he may have liked me a while ago, but I thought I was just being arrogant.  He’s very outgoing and likes to be around people, so I didn’t think it was that odd that he wanted to say hi, and emailed and talk about mutual interest stuff (scifi/video games).  I know he always eats with someone, and has gone out to lunch/coffee with various members of the team.  Everything seemed above board, except I had this nagging feeling that he was emailing/txting me way more than the others.

Turned out I was right.  He seemed like a really nice guy, and I’m still trying to wrap my head around this person wanting to  cheat on his wife and small child.  He was given his notice (along with a lot of others due to budget cuts), and instead of burying his emotions and moving on from the very inappropriate crush he has on me, he started emailing more and it was clear he was thinking about me way too much.  Come Monday, he comes by to talk to me about his crush and it becomes drama heavy very quickly.  I can’t remember all that he said, but even though I like talking to him, in a very non-sexual and scifi nerd way, his lack of shame and his selfishness was mind boggling.  I’ve never met anyone like it.  Everyone is entitled to their emotions, but he grossly overshared.

I tried to play marriage counselor as best I could, because I don’t believe in cheating, but I’m not sure how much sunk in.  He came back today to really ask me if I was interested and I made it perfectly clear the answer was No.  Even if he were single I wouldn’t go out with him.  He said he did alot of think about his marriage vs being with me, and that a relationship between us would be a short thing he would enjoy.  Ew.  I may be naive, but I’m not a fan of pre determined flings.  But then again, I’m looking for a long term thing.

This conversation should not have happened.  I think he’s either a psychopath or just incredibly selfish.  He even told me he cheated on his wife while they were dating, told her about those incidents because he was getting married, but wouldn’t tell her about this affair.  So creepy.

And I know I’m just being used.  He barely knows me.  His life is just in a sucky place right know and he’s using me as an escape fantasy.  Although the attention (before this conversation) was flattering, and I had been attention starved from the Boy lately, it still upsets me.  I know I”m not at fault, because I have been cold to him, and even after telling him flat out NO, he still tries to flirt.  I’m glad he’s leaving.  If he wants to be friends and have a scifi person to talk to, cool.  Otherwise, leave me alone.

I’m too young for this shit.


One response to “I am not adult enough for this

  1. You might be too young for it, but you are smart (and strong) enough not to fall for it. Good for you.

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