This week has not been a good one for me socially. It seems like every interaction with someone is filled with misuderstanding or just bad vibes. I’m sure it’s my problem or a self fuffilling prophecy, but it’s really put me on edge. I’ve been having mini panic attacks whenever I have to interate with someone. Not even talk to them, just seeing them in the hallway makes we want to dive into the next room and pretend I’m a turtle.
alot of it has just been stupid stuff, like yesterday. My boss called in a broken door lock and so a guy comes down soon after. My boss left the room for some reason (I never know why), So I ask the guy “You here for the door?” and I don’t know what he heard me say, but he said The one I just walked, through? I saw that. Is <my boss> here, he’s expecting me.” Wait, what? Usually they fixit guys don’t care who called it in, so I was preparing to explain about the door. I txted my boss to let him know the door guys was here. As you’ve probably figured out, that guy was not the door guy. I was just left ina wave of confusiona nd just carried on about my day.
Anoth reason, the awkwardness is my problem, is I went to lunch with the Boy on Monday and I didn’t get the soup that comes with the meal. i honestly don’t care, but I was just too terrified to assert myself. (The Boy got his soup, so I don’t understand why they thought it was normal for one person to not get soup, especially when asked, the person says “Yes, I want soup”. whatever.
So the last awkward interaction was to day and really messed me up. I had to interview someone and we interview in pairs. I don’t really like interviewing, since I’m usually more nervous about what I’m saying/how I say it/ stumbling over my words. well today was one of the worst examples of it. The guy is still in college, so younger than me, but he barely acknowledged my existance. He got along with the guy I was paired with. The thing that really pissed me off was whenever I asked a question, he would respond to the the other guy. WTF? I’m right there. On the times he managed to look in my direction he would make really short ye contact and then look at something 2 feet above my head. i wanted to chock it up to nervousness or fear of women, but 2 women interviewed him next and didn’t see a problem. It shouldn’t have bothered me that much, but I’ve been so down on myself lately, that someone who is looking for me to recommended him for job couldn’t even give me basic human courtesy.
One more day of work and then I can check out for a while. Only a 3 day week next week with the holiday, so hopefully I’ll be able tog et back into the right frame of mind. this self doubt/loathing is getting old.