can’t sleep

I can’t turn my mind off.  but I’m not thinking of anything in particular.  I’m worried about classes I haven’t even applied to take yet.  I obsessing over people and who I’ve offended and who is mad at me and what people think of me.  But I’ve done nothing major to bring these thoughts on.  I just can’t relax, I can’t just enjoy my life.  If I’m not stressed, I’m not happy (if that makes any sense).  I need to fight for something, but, it has to have value in other people’s eyes.  I can just pick a project and work on it.  It feels fruitless.  I don’t care if I’m happy, I care if other people are happy.

I care if other people are happy.  wow.  I didn’t even realize I was doing that until I just wrote it.  Well, thank you wordpress and random people on the internet.  I’m sorry I’ve been away for so long.  I forgot how cathartic writing can be.  The insights just roll right off on to the screen.

So now the next question; how can I stop caring about other people and do the things that make me happy.  Mind you I have no idea what makes me truely happy.  I think I’m always miserable.  I don’t trust my own judgement.  I don’t know if my choices have worth.  I have no goals.  I have nothing I want to do with my life.


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