I can’t turn my mind off. but I’m not thinking of anything in particular. I’m worried about classes I haven’t even applied to take yet. I obsessing over people and who I’ve offended and who is mad at me and what people think of me. But I’ve done nothing major to bring these thoughts on. I just can’t relax, I can’t just enjoy my life. If I’m not stressed, I’m not happy (if that makes any sense). I need to fight for something, but, it has to have value in other people’s eyes. I can just pick a project and work on it. It feels fruitless. I don’t care if I’m happy, I care if other people are happy.
I care if other people are happy. wow. I didn’t even realize I was doing that until I just wrote it. Well, thank you wordpress and random people on the internet. I’m sorry I’ve been away for so long. I forgot how cathartic writing can be. The insights just roll right off on to the screen.
So now the next question; how can I stop caring about other people and do the things that make me happy. Mind you I have no idea what makes me truely happy. I think I’m always miserable. I don’t trust my own judgement. I don’t know if my choices have worth. I have no goals. I have nothing I want to do with my life.