Driving and Crying Do Not Mix

Ugh, I had a massive anxiety attack on my way to work today.  Well, it wasn’t normal work.  I had to go back to my college to recruit for my employer, so I had to drive back into the city.  I hate doing this.  I hate talking to strangers and the thought of 5 hours of it was too overwhelming.  We have a large team of recruiters, but somehow I made the short list.  I couldn’t find an excuse to get out of it this year, like last time.

I started crying on my way in and I couldn’t stop.  I was just thinking of how I could screw up or make a fool of myself.  Mostly I don’t feel like I can sell my company that well.  I work on a small subset of the projects we do and I don’t have any technical understanding of the other ones.  Plus the majors that were showing up were not what I was familiar with so I couldn’t really talk to them about anything.  I may have been worse than just an HR person going.  They have a broader overview of the company, but they like to send the staff for more in depth info.  The only person I could talk to (and knew alot about us) wasn’t qualified.  I feel so awful, because we have very general hiring positions and I couldn’t tell them what project needed what.  We just want “good people”.  HR gives us an overview in the fall of what the groups need, but it’s so general it’s useless.

I got better by the end of the day.  Another recruiter was there who does this alot, so he helped me with my pitch, so things ended up ok.  Some kid I talked to just emailed me to thank me and to ask what else he could do to get hired.  I wish I had something better to tell him besides “apply online!”.

I feel like a fraud.

Also, I hate the city and I can’t think of a single good memory from college.  I wish I could do it over again.  But watching the students between classes and walking among them again remind me how isolated and hopeless I felt.  I have no idea how I survived it.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s