Second Tier Friend


I’ve touched on this topic before, but it’s been right in my face so I need to talk about it again.   I have two people I can call my friends, which may not even be friends by some people’s definitions; The Boy and J.  I’ve known J since middle school but our relationship kind of fades in and out.  Lately we’ve been getting long well, we actually hung out a couple times in two weeks, which is impressive since we only see each other a couple times a year.  Which is dumb since she lives in the next town.

So we spend an afternoon/night getting dinner, playing games and cruising the mall and everything seem great.  We find a game she absolutely wants to try but can’t afford.  a few days later I end up getting it and she’s super excited to play.  I invite her to my house (which I never do.  She doesn’t drive so I always go to hers, plus that’s where the other people are).  turns out she isn’t good at the game and I think I made her uncomfortable since we ended up having dinner with my family.  That’s one of the reasons I don’t invite people over.  It’s an inconvenience to my mother and I end up upsetting the general order of things.

So I think everything is ok at the end of the night, but I haven’t heard from her since.  I posted a link to her facebook wall I thought she’d like, but she completely ignored it.  We always “like” each other’s links.  since we don’t see each other often, this is how we maintain a friendship.  I know I’m over analyzing this, but I don’t want to lose the few “friends” I have.  It’s like she only wanted to hang out with me when we do what she finds interesting.  And I will cave to whatever she wants to do, but I won’t be able to contribute much.  We have very different personalities and few things in common.  Probably not enough to maintain the friendship, but we get along ok.

Plus we made theoretical plans to take a vacation together when she graduates but I doubt that will happen.  I’ve been dying to go to HP world and she already went but would go again.  I know I’m being selfish in wanting to go but I don’t have anyone else.  I’d go alone but that’s not as much fun and kind of sad 😦

So now that I’m of no longer any use to J, I may not hear from her for a while.  And now I’ve found out (via facebook posts) she has a new comic book nerd friend and they are exchanging messages like crazy. This is going to be painful to watch unfold.

And I lent her some DVDs the last time we hung out.  I wonder if I’ll get those back.

</rant>

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7 responses to “Second Tier Friend

  1. Um, no disrespect, but she isn’t really your “friend”. From the post, it sounds like she’s using you when she needs u and u ain’t getting nuthin’ in return. I wouldn’t worry about it. She’ll be back. When she contacts u, I’d ignore her just to teach her a lesson. Games are expensive. You are a really good friend to her. But what is she really to u? This has upset me. I don’t even have any friends.

    • Yeah, I don’t have any “real” friends. She’s just someone who I can get along with. I admit I’m not the greatest friend, so I can give people some slack (I don’t initiate calls, I’m introverted and I lack alot of social skills that can make people uncomfortable). I also think I come across as fake, when I’m just trying to be nice. I don’t know where the line is between agreeing and standing up for myself without coming off as a douche.
      I’m usually ok with being alone, but humans are social creatures so sometimes I crave a non-anxiety filled interaction.

  2. That is what friends are for 🙂

  3. You deserve a friend who understands & accepts everything about you,(the things you just mentioned above). I don’t think she sounds like a good friend, I have recently learnt that those kinds of people aren’t really worth wasting your time on.

  4. Sorry to hear about your situation. You summed it up in the title “second tier friends.” It’s tough to give and give but only receive when it’s convenient for the friend. You keep your integrity as a giving person this way, but you get a lot of heartache. Even the truest souls seem to play games. It looks like the best you could hope for is to get stuck in this game-playing mechanic with this person.

    In my opinion, it’s not worth it. That said, I can’t find it in myself to disown my friend who treats me in this second-tier way. The only true thing I can say is that it’s a bummer.

    • Thanks for the support. It’s hard to let go of someone you’ve invested your time in. I know if I just change my attitude towards the situation things will seem better. I just have to accept that we’re not as close as I thought.

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