I feel like such a waste of space.  I’ve spent the last 5 hours doing absolutely nothing.  I’m home alone, I can do whatever I want but I feel trapped.  Like I’m waiting for something.  I’m dependent on my mother for interaction.  I’m 26, I shouldn’t be like this.  I’m still a child no matter how much I fight it.  She treats me like one, but maybe it’s for just cause.

I have a 1000 thoughts I want to get out, but nothing is coherent right now.  I filled a post it note summarizing my problems in relationships (romantic or not).  I’ll feel better once I get that out of my system.  Right now I’m suffering from mental constipation.


6 responses to “Wasting…everything

  1. oh boy…sounds awful…
    what are you going to do?

    • I’m not sure. I know changes need to be made in my life, but I’m still figuring out where to start. Most of the issues come from the fact that my mother is the one person in the world I can’t stand up to. She is impossible to have a conversation with if you don’t agree with her.

  2. No better time to start anew than the new year. It’s time to take control of your life. Maybe you can start by getting a little separation from your mother, and start doing the things you want to do, for YOU. There will be resistance, especially in the beginning, but hopefully she will learn to deal with it, and eventually accept the fact that you are a grown woman… and a fully capable one, at that.

    • Yes, the resistance early on is what usually stops me dead in my tracks. I have learned that if I can get past it, and we have a new routine going, she’s alot better with it. Making my OWN routine will need to be the first step. Thank you for encouragement. I don’t get it as much as I would like.

  3. Sometimes I spend all day doing nothing. I get to 10pm and think “did I really just do nothing all day?” Some days you just can’t get the inspiration to flow, and forcing it makes you frustrated. Just allow yourself to enjoy the time-wasting. Not every day will be like this one.
    I heard your song and I believe you are talented. I heard Ozzy Osbourne’s wife say once (and I’m paraphrasing here) that “you don’t have to have perfect pitch to be a singer, that can always be taught, but you do need perfect diction and a love of singing.” Everyone has their own style, just as everyone has their own taste in music. Keep doing what you love, the rest will fall into place.

    • Most of the time I’m ok with doing nothing. Sometimes though, I get that panicky feeling that I don’t have 5 hours to myself often, so I shouldn’t waste it. I really should just take that time to relax, and not need to worry about anything. Thanks 🙂

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