When I go down, I go down hard

Dammit, I can’t win.  The minute I start to feel happy, I enter one of  the most acute  debilitating depressions I’ve ever been in.  I’ve spent the last two days on a couch, sleeping.  When I could move around, it would be for 2 hours and I could feel every muscle in my body.  I would also randomly cry.  It’s not fair.  This is why I’m so pessimistic.  Life was ok and then I get shot back down.

I had to cancel plans with The Boy this weekend.  I hate doing it, but it would have been horrible.  I started bitching at him on friday, so I know I should stay away until this goes away.  My friend also wanted to come out with me but I didn’t have the energy to handle her.  I want to be normal and healthy.

I’m hoping this is just extreme pms.  I’ve been on hormones before to regulate the physical side of things, but the pills made me gain weight and incredibly anxious and jumpy.  Doctors blamed the weather, and told me to just get some exercise.  I want to be stable.


2 responses to “When I go down, I go down hard

  1. Oh dear. You’ll be fine soon. I really hope!
    I have had the same moments earlier and it happens even now sometimes that I just need to be alone with my depression and myself. Even when my best friend would calling me and I would listen her on the machine : ‘Don’t do that again!I know what you’re doing?! If you turn me of again from your life for couple of days I won’t be your friend! Friends should be here to help to each other! Marija!! Answer!!’ But I just couldn’t. I just have need to be alone in my misery until it’s go away. Sometimes I think it’s PMS and sometimes is just a bad-mood moment.

    Lots of love!

    • Thanks for kind words, Marija. I’ve been doing alot better today. I think it was a combination of hormones, stress, and maybe even a bug. I’m sorry how your friend treats you. That’s not fair to you. no one can be social all the time. I know when I withdraw from my friends it’s for their benefit too. I’m no fun to be around when I’m like this.

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