Still here…

Sorry for not posting more than once a week.  When I first started this blog, I had a rampant stream of thoughts in my head I needed to get out.  I’ve been feeling complacent/almost content lately, so the chaotic monkeys in the brain have settled down.  I also spent last week organizing my room, which gives me a sense of calm.  I’m greatly affected by the environment I’m in.  Now that things are (mostly) orderly and I removed alot of things I don’t use, my mind is at ease.

I cleaned out my closet of everything I’m too fat to fit in.  I can now see all the clothes I have and I no longer have the depressing thought of “I’ll fit into these eventually”.  I know that’s supposed to be a good motivator for weight loss, but it’s been years and I’m still 20+ lbs over where I was in college.  One thing I don’t like about my job is the sitting.  I went from walking miles a day in college to just walking to the car.  I always think I’ll find balance eventually, mostly when I move out on my own, and I’m not forced to eat dinner I didn’t make every night.  I’m tired of the structure I’m tired of the structure I’m living in.  My life is not my own.  family is improtant to me, and deep down I am terrified to leave them, but I know it’s best for my mentality that I do.  I don’t need to go far, but it will still be a huge change.  I don’t react well to huge changes.

Well, that’s the stream of consciousness for today.  Ball with The Boy tomorrow hopefully.


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