Sorry for not posting more than once a week. When I first started this blog, I had a rampant stream of thoughts in my head I needed to get out. I’ve been feeling complacent/almost content lately, so the chaotic monkeys in the brain have settled down. I also spent last week organizing my room, which gives me a sense of calm. I’m greatly affected by the environment I’m in. Now that things are (mostly) orderly and I removed alot of things I don’t use, my mind is at ease.
I cleaned out my closet of everything I’m too fat to fit in. I can now see all the clothes I have and I no longer have the depressing thought of “I’ll fit into these eventually”. I know that’s supposed to be a good motivator for weight loss, but it’s been years and I’m still 20+ lbs over where I was in college. One thing I don’t like about my job is the sitting. I went from walking miles a day in college to just walking to the car. I always think I’ll find balance eventually, mostly when I move out on my own, and I’m not forced to eat dinner I didn’t make every night. I’m tired of the structure I’m tired of the structure I’m living in. My life is not my own. family is improtant to me, and deep down I am terrified to leave them, but I know it’s best for my mentality that I do. I don’t need to go far, but it will still be a huge change. I don’t react well to huge changes.
Well, that’s the stream of consciousness for today. Ball with The Boy tomorrow hopefully.