Wish I could live in a bubble

I had been losing control over my social anxiety over the past few months. Last week was probably the worst. I was terrified to leave my office.  I didn’t want to walk down the hallway, afraid of who I might run into.  I had the constant pain in my chest all week.  I would shake sometimes.  I just wanted to go home.  I almost took some days off, but I was already so far behind.  My mind kept drifting to what I have to do if someone came near me.

I hated going to the cafeteria.  I know it sounds stupid, but I didn’t want to walk past the crowd of people.  I was never this bad.  I remember when I started, I would eat lunch there with my coworkers everyday.  I never liked the crowds, but I managed.  I don’t know what happened.  Maybe I lost trust in the people I was with.  I no longer feel safe or welcome.  Probably because I would periodically avoid them.  It’s a cycle I can’t seem to break, but I seem to be stuck in the avoidance phase for the past 6 months.  I can be social, and laugh and smile and be happy, but something will trigger me and I just can’t get out of my chair.  It not something they did, but in my own head.  I often feel unwelcome and I don’t want to be rejected.  I’d rather hide than take the risk.


4 responses to “Wish I could live in a bubble

  1. Hey. I just wanted you to know that I can relate to everything you said. It doesn’t sound stupid at all; it’s a reality for me as well. I think knowing that others experience the same things can help ease your pain. Hang in there.

  2. Thanks for the words of encouragement. It’s nearly impossible for me to talk about any of this in person, so I feel even more isolated. It is comforting to remember I’m not the only one like this.

  3. I often feel like this. Although not to the extent you feel it.
    I thought maybe I was just strange. Is it bad to feel glad that i’m not the only one?

    • Absolutely not! No one likes to feel isolated. One of the reasons I took to starting this blog was to share my experiences, so I wouldn’t feel so alone. Since starting it, I’ve received alot of encouragement and support from people who have gone through the same things and even from others who haven’t. It’s made a world of difference to me.

      So hang in there. You’re definitely not alone 🙂

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